Why Iron Man 2 is just Rocky III without the good bits

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I wrote this ages ago on Facebook. I was commissioned by The Guardian to write it up properly when I was somewhere without internet connection, so that’s where it stayed. Here it is for posterity/somewhere for people to actually see (SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY)…

Starts off with Rocky not boxing seriously any more and showing off in open gym, much to Mick and Adrian’s annoyance / Stark not fighting baddies and showing off at Stark Expo, much to Pepper’s annoyance.

Cut to grizzled, dedicated Clubber working hard in Harlem / Cut to grizzled, dedicated Ivan Vanko working hard in Russia.

Clubber calls Rocky out at a boxing match, and beats him as he’s gone soft / Vanko calls Stark out at the Monaco Grand Prix, and beats the shit out of him as he’s gone soft.

Rocky gets drunk and feels sorry for himself / Stark gets drunks and feels sorry for himself.

Rocky hits rock bottom reminiscing about poor old dead mentor, Mick / Stark hits rock bottom reminiscing about poor old dead mentor, Dad.

Old friend Apollo kicks Rocky up the arse and vows to help him / old friends Rhodey & Nick Fury kick Stark up the arse and vow to help him.

Through training and watching old videos of fighting Apollo, Rocky learns the ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and starts to get hard again / Through research and watching old videos of his dad, Stark learns how to make a new element to power his suit, and gets hard again.

Rocky fights Clubber for a second time, aided by old friend Apollo, beats him, surprisingly easily / Stark fights Vanko for a second time, aided by old friends Rhodey and Nick Fury, and beats him, surprisingly easily.

Noticeably missing: the training in Harlem, the Thunderlips fight, Clubber’s “real man” speech and the beach run – ie The Good Bits.

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